Chapter 1

 

“The fuck do you want?”

 

Seeing hatred in the eyes of his mate was something Baz had grown used to from Charlie over the years, but today it was harder somehow, or maybe it was the fact that he didn’t have his vest on to buffer him from it.

 

Karma. The fates. Who knew what entities orchestrated the swirling black and gray bond marks that had appeared upon his wrist almost eighteen years ago, he just wished they’d chosen better. That or made him a better wolf, to be deserving of the mates they’d given him.

 

“Five minutes of your time and a conversation,” Baz replied, feeling none too hopeful his request would be granted.

Instead of opening the door for him, Charlie’s shrewd eyes appraised him thoroughly. “Where’s your Kutte?”

 

“Burnt up in a bonfire last night.”

 

“Shame you weren’t in it when it happened.”

 

“Who says I wasn’t?”

 

“You’re looking awful good for a crispy critter?”

 

“That you saying I still look good?”

 

“Compared to a charred bag of bones, maybe. If a wolf was desperate enough, they might decide you were worth a night of fun.”

 

“Any chance you’re that desperate?”

 

“Not a one.”

 

“Damn,” Baz remarked, disappointment hammering down at him, despite having expected the answer. The whole moment felt surprisingly out of place, like time had spun backward, hurling them through space to a moment when there had been friendship between them.

 

“You gonna tell me why you’re here, or waste some more of my morning?

 

“Can I get a cup of coffee while we have this conversation?”

 

“Nope, would take more than five minutes for it to brew, and you’ve burned two minutes already.”

 

Throwing up his hands, Baz considered just walking away, only, he had three minutes left to stare at the wolf he’d spent over a decade missing and mourning, drowning in regret over the things he desperately wanted to say and didn’t dare.

 

Brooks had called him a coward when all these years Baz had believed it a noble, honorable thing he did, trying to preserve a relationship Charlie had cherished since birth, even at the cost of something Baz had desperately wanted, despite how many times he denied it.

Good intentions will kill ya.

 

Hadn’t Charlie told him that when they were pups and hadn’t Baz laughed, still too optimistic to realize that some wolves could practically kill themselves trying and still fail as spectacularly as a matchstick in a downpour?

 

“And now you’ve burned three,” Charlie griped, letting the door bang shut behind him, no doubt to keep any more of his cold air from spilling out the door and air conditioning the forest. “You plan to keep staring at me and waste the other two or tell me why the fuck you’re over here so gods be damned early in the day.

 

“How’s Kale?” Baz blurted because that could be considered a natural topic and one he was genuinely interested in.

 

“Same as he was when you called yesterday,” Charlie replied. “If something were wrong, I’d text you.”

 

“I um, got him a phone, in case he ever wanted to talk,” Baz replied, pulling it from the pocket of his jeans and holding it out, not that Charlie took it.

 

“Already took care of that, weeks ago. Thought you trusted me to keep him safe? Wasn’t that the whole point of me bringing him out here?” Charlie replied, checking his watch. “You’re going to be late.”

 

“Shops closed for the day.”

 

“Why the fuck is it closed? It ain’t a holiday and there are orders to take care of. You know that!” Charlie snapped.

 

“And I will get them done,” Baz huffed. “Just didn’t need the music, noise, and constant god damned conversations today, so I told the other three not to come in.”

 

“What part of structure and responsibility do you not understand,” Charlie growled, “Those wolves are assigned there because they need guidance, supervision, and purpose. I will not have you fucking up the whole program with some selfish whim.”

 

“First of all, let’s get something straight right now. I take my responsibilities seriously, even those that are thrust on me by someone wanting to hold shit over my head so they can make me squirm. Niko has been using the skills he’s learned in the shed to revamp some things over at his grandparents’ place and Sierra offered to help him, so that’s what they’re doing today. I made sure they had supplies and I told them that if they got stuck, they could take a picture of the problem and send it to me, or you and we’d talk them through it.”

 

“And you were going to tell me this when exactly?” Charlie asked, his impatience showing, as it always did whenever they spoke. “When I was staring at a message trying to figure out what the fuck it was about?”

 

“I’m here, we’re talking, that was all part of why I dropped in, and to say that as of midnight, Cage is the new president of the Howling Devils, may the fates have mercy on his soul.”

 

Snorting, Charlie shook his head. “And what exactly is the response you were hoping for?”

 

Shrugging, Baz met his gaze, the brilliant colors always hitting him like he was seeing them for the first time, mesmerizing. Should have stayed in that moment and never moved. Maybe then everything wouldn’t be so broken and fucked all to hell.

 

“Hell if I know,” Baz rumbled, scrubbing a hand through his hair. Everything was off-kilter, slipping sideways and drifting into that surreal realm he’d found himself dropping into ever since he’d made the decision not to keep his kutte after he stepped down as president.

 

“Well, good thing that’s settled, then. You can be going now, and make sure you don’t leave a fuckin’ mess for me to clean up when I get back there,” Charlie remarked, turning away.

 

“Someday, I hope we can have a conversation the way we used to,” Baz said, voice low and as controlled as he could manage, which wasn’t easy when he wanted to snap and snarl, howl, growl, and demand Charlie put the past aside for one day. Just. One. Fuckin’. Day.

 

“You should know better than that by now. If I was going to forgive you, it would have been back then, when I still believed you were looking for the bastard who assaulted those wolves, not letting them pin the whole damn thing on me.”

 

Huffing, all Baz could do was stand there with his fists clenched, hating that every attempt at conversation between them somehow came back to this one point of contention.

 

“I think you’ve always known who was responsible, but it was easier to let me take the fall than test club loyalties by bringing the real perpetrator to justice,” Charlie said. “After all, I was just a prospect. A throw-away. Someone on the fringe you could cut ties with and not have to suffer any consequences.”

 

There was a moment when everything froze, and Baz opened his mouth to admit the truth. That he had known. That he knew and had suffered every day since that information had wound up in his hands. Why someone else couldn’t have been made privy to it, like Brooks, who would have known how to handle things differently, he’d never understand. That had been all fate, like the split vote that had left him president, when the goddess knew he was the wrong person for the job.

 

“I thought so,” Charlie remarked over his shoulder, their eyes meeting again, the hate in Charlie’s as bright as ever, right before he disappeared back inside. Baz was a quarter mile away when it dawned on him that he’d never said what he’d gone to Charlie’s to say.

 

Another missed opportunity in a string so numerous it was embarrassing to think about. Lately, there were very few positive things to speak of, at least not in his life, where the banner accomplishment was the discovery that it hadn’t been a member of the Howling Devils that had been working with the traffickers, but rather, someone sitting on the high counsel, hell-bent on destroying them from the inside out.

 

Sins and secrets.

​

Grudges and revenge.

 

The Devils might have been all about protecting the pack, but they’d stomped on more than a few paws doing it. Some hadn’t been justified, despite what they’d told themselves. As he began to allow his human form to give way to his wolf, he caught sight of another wolf stalking in his direction, unmistakable honey tones streaked through with the lightest of browns. Was it too much to hope that the fates had finally turned a smile upon him and would finally pave the way for him and Charlie to talk? He was tight with tension by the time the other wolf stopped three feet in front of him. He’d have been laughed out of his club if the other wolves saw that, their badass former president quaking in his boots over the possibility of a conversation with his mate.

 

“Walk with me.”

 

It came out more snarl than words, sent a shiver down Baz’s back too, so he followed, what else was he supposed to do. He maintained the silence too, waiting for Charlie to be the one to break it. Instead, he led Baz into a clearing he’d helped Charlie create over two decades before. Their marks weren’t in yet, they were still too young, but damn it all he wished it had been. He’d never have joined the Devils. Never been forced into the unenviable position of rejecting his mate or causing immense pain with news that would have broken him.

 

He saw the axe sticking up out of the tree stump and for a moment, he felt a flood of warm hope. Charlie was going to end this for both of them. He was going to put Baz out of his misery, all he had to do was lay his head on the chopping block, close his eyes and whisper goodbye before the blade severed his head from his neck.

 

Like a hopeful fool he stood there waiting for Charlie to pull the axe from the stump and sure as shit, his mate didn’t disappoint him. The moment it was out of the way he hit his knees, wrapped his arms around the stump and lay his head against the rough and pitted back.

 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

 

“Giving you what we both need to end this.”

 

“Isn’t your head I want on that stump, it’s your body, preferably with your pants around your ankles, unless you want me to cut them off you.”

 

“Thought you didn’t want…”

 

“Changed my mind.”

 

That was all Charlie need to say. Baz had his pants undone and his body repositioned, whining as Charlie slid a hand up the back of his shirt.

 

“Not a sound or I stop,” Charlie growled. “This ain’t for you, this is just something I’ve been needing that Kale isn’t able to give me yet.”

 

He would too. It had happened before, when Baz had gotten over enthusiastic over the pleasure of his mate’s touch. He’d burned for days with the heat of a need that hadn’t gone down, his body hypersensitive, craving his mate while he did everything in his power to hide his condition and be who he was supposed to be in the eyes of the club.

 

Even in his anger Charlie was careful with him, prepping him and driving Baz higher and higher with pleasure that he could scarcely contain. He tasted blood from biting the inside of his lip to stifle his moans and the desire to beg. When Charlie pressed into him, Baz shuddered, but he stayed silent, despite how good it felt. Amazing, phenomenal, every vibrant firework of a word that ran through his head, he wished he could cry to the heavens. Charlie’s teeth grazed his skin. They weren’t exactly love bites or even kisses, more like sharp scraping just the right side of pain to feel good. Charlie was growling in his ear, panting, taking him nice and slow and drawing out the pleasure for both of them. His mate’s hands were heavy on his shoulders, fingers digging in as he yanked Baz towards him with every thrust.

 

Baz choked down a whimper, his world narrowing down to scent, sound, and the wild, out of control feeling that brought him closer and closer to orgasm. He was so close, teetering on the edge, shaking as Charlie snarled, roughly pulled out of him, then jerked himself to completion, finishing all over Charlie’s lower back and ass.

 

Gods, he just needed a little more to push him over the edge, and yet, Charlie was already shoving away from him, breathing ragged as Baz bit back a plea. It wouldn’t do him any good to beg. If anything, it would just earn him his mate’s sarcasm and scorn. He couldn’t handle that right now. Everything was still too raw, his body extra sensitive and needy. He could have taken himself in hand and finished himself off the way Charlie had, but something about that felt desperate and humiliating after the brief intimacy they’d shared.

 

As calm and controlled as he could manage, which, wasn’t much at all, Baz straightened, and with trembling fingers, pulled up his jeans and refashioned them. Their breathing was the only sound left in the forest. Not even the chatter of a squirrel or the chirp of a bird. Baz’s cheeks heated up and he refused to turn and face his mate, afraid he’d blurt out any number of things Charlie wouldn’t care to hear.

 

Had it even been good for his mate, or had it just been another bodily need, like taking a drink or going to the bathroom?

Baz’s balls ached from coming so close and then being denied. Those first few years after everything had gone south between them, he’d have gone out and found a substitute, someone as close to Charlie in size and stature as he could find, but he’d never fuck them or allow them to fuck him. Instead, he’d taken all that pent-up energy, angst and frustration and turned it into a knock-down drag-out fight that would have left him bruised and hurting for days.

 

At least it was a hurt he could tolerate, unlike the wounds on his soul that he knew would never heal. Not unless Charlie found it in his heart to both forgive him and claim him as his mate. Maybe, some year, he might achieve the first one, but the second, there wasn’t enough hope left in his soul to ever believe that to be a possibility.  

 

“Do us both a favor and don’t come back out here again,” Charlie said, the sound of crunching leaves and snapping twigs a sure sign that he was already walking away from him. Baz refused to turn around until he was gone, listening to the echo of his footsteps fade away, even as he bit back the urge to tell him that he’d be back again tomorrow and the day after that and every day from here until hell froze over, that he’d never stop until one of them had passed out of this lifetime. Only then would it be too late to try again.

 

It smelled like rain and sex and pent-up fury, the undercurrent of electricity crackling in the air around him. Even when Charlie’s presence in the forest had moved beyond his hearing, Baz remained rooted to the spot, head down, staring at the tree stump he’d been bent over.

 

The axe would have been less painful, but Baz knew the last thing Charlie wanted was to spare him any amount of pain, even if he spared himself in the process.

 

“Why does he hate you?”

 

The voice made Baz flinch and clench his fists, even as his cheeks heated up. The thought of someone witnessing what had just taken place was almost as humiliating as having his mate walk away and leave him unfulfilled. That it was Kale standing there made it so much worse.

 

“I betrayed him.”

 

“Why?”

 

Baz hoped Kale would stay where he was, leaning up against a tree at the edge of the clearing, but the universe had never cared what he wanted; thus, Kale shoved away from the tree and headed his way.

 

“Was better than the alternative,” Baz replied, turning away so he wouldn’t have to see his face up close again. Even in the pond, tied, bloody, and unconscious in the moonlight, he was beautiful. Baz didn’t want to see how much more so he was now that he was healthy. He’d damned himself the moment he’d promised Charlie he would bring their mate to him if he was ever lucky enough to find them. In honoring that, he’d hoped to earn some small measure of forgiveness. Another failure in a long string of them involving his mate.

 

“What could ever be worse than betraying a mate?” Kale asked.

 

Sounded like he was right beside him now. His voice smooth, melodic, Baz would have loved to sit and listen to him talk for hours, but he couldn’t stay close to the mate he couldn’t have. He couldn’t let a bond form between them. Not when it would put him at odds with Charlie and the vow he’d made.

 

“Prey you’ll never find out.”

 

Baz started walking then, head down, hands shoved in the pocket of his jacket, intent on returning to the shop and the multitude of projects that awaited him. He’d always loved working with wood, shaping it into something useful or even beautifully ornamental. Feeling it beneath his fingertips had a way of soothing his mind, the sandpaper rubbing over the grains like a harmony he could get lost in for days. Charlie had to know how badly it would suck for him, when Charlie returned to the woodworking shop and Baz was forced to leave.

 

If only they could find a way to work together there if nowhere else. Now that he’d left the Devil’s in Cage’s capable hands, he’d need something to keep him occupied. Some way he could still contribute to the pack in some less confrontational manner. He’d had enough of doing battle. His soul was as weary as his body. Some mornings he longed for nothing more than to remain in his bed and rest, maybe catch up on all the movies he’d skipped over the years.

 

His inner wolf laughed, tongue lolling out, reminding him that would last less than seventy-two hours before he was bored out of his skull and restlessly searching for something to do with his hands. The long walk out of the woods gave him plenty of time to come up with more than a dozen alternate ideas, and reject every last one of them.

 

He was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t smell the approaching wolf until Onyx was right beside him, his words catching Baz completely off guard.

 

“You’re not out here raiding the strawberry patch are ya, Prez?”

 

“Not the Prez anymore, Cage is, which you’d know if you were at the bonfire last night,” Baz grumbled. “Not after your damned strawberries either. I swear this forest is growing more crowded by the day.”

 

“Whoa….wh…why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Pick one.”

 

Baz snorted and leveled his gaze at the baker, who was also a member of the Howling Devils Motorcycle club Baz had helped form. Had it really been twenty years ago? If he knew then what he knew now, would he selfishly refuse to take part, or would he still do what needed to be done for the good of the pack?

 

“Fine. I’m not after your damned strawberries ‘cause I wasn’t aware there was a patch out here,” Baz explained. “Now that I am, I wouldn’t mind collecting some for my lunch, since I won’t be leaving the woodshop once I get there.”

 

“In that case, come on,” Onyx said. “You can help me pick, and I’ll bring lunch to you when we make our noon deliveries.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“The least I can do. If it wasn’t for you urging the club to back my idea, there would be no bakery to speak of.”

 

Baz nodded in acknowledgment and fell into step beside Onyx. “Your idea was sound, and the pack has grown so much in the past years that the main kitchen was being taxed providing for those who couldn’t take care of themselves. You gave those who could an alternative.”

 

“It’s a good feeling,” Onyx said. “Knowing that I can contribute so substantially to the pack.”

 

“Amen to that.”

 

“So….”

 

Baz chuckled, the scent of strawberries making his stomach rumble. Bright red fruit clung to the plants, ripe and ready to be plucked. He’d known Onyx wouldn’t let the real question die so easily. Might as well tell it as they worked.

 

“Was time to do something else with my life. Like you.”

 

“Only I still wear my kutte.”

 

“True. But once you’ve been the leader, especially as long as I have, it’s hard to step back and be anything but, unless you’re willing to walk away completely. It’s Cage’s time now.”

 

“Does that mean you’re giving up riding?”

 

“Hell no.”

 

“In that case, how about hitting the road with me and Emery on Sunday. We’re doing all our baking the night before and some of the guys are gonna man the shop for us.”

 

“In which case, you’d better bake double. You know how Cor can get, especially if Zane’s craving.”

 

Laughing, Onxy handed Baz a pail, then knelt and began to pick. “Believe me, I’ve got that covered. I made a special batch just for his fluffy bunny.”

 

“You keep stuffing that wolf the way you all have been doing, and he’ll be waddling like a duck before he has those pups.”

 

“Too late.”